Happy 43rd Birthday To Me

1 year ago today my husband forgot my birthday and I knew in my heart things were getting bad. He would have NEVER forgotten my day. When he finally realized it was my birthday it was late in the day and he felt soooo bad!!! He tapped my arm several times and just kept apologizing. I reassured him that it was ok, it really was. I really and truly was ok, in fact I was so so happy just staying home with him, in bed, I binge watched Shameless while he slept. I didn't want another designer bag, a broadway show or anything else. I just wanted HIM!!! We stayed in bed all day, I ordered dinner (wings) and we ate it - in bed lol. I gave 0 fucks if we got grease on the bed - I was happy. Fast forward to 2021 he's no longer here and I'm heart broken. The holidays sucked without him!!! OOOOOH what I would give to have him here with me, in bed just us 2. 2020 was just terrible for me and a lot of people. I've said this before - I've suffered a lot of losses BUT this one by far hurts the most. A ~~nurse~~ doctor told me at work the Bible says your spouse becomes your heart, they complete you. You become one and indeed this loss feels like I lost a part of me. I LOST A PIECE OF ME!!! There is a hole in my heart that no one can fill.

He was here with me in spirit, he showed signs and he gave me what I asked for. My heart is full of love because everyone made me feel loved / special. I am blessed!! I have a wonderful support system and for that I'm extremely grateful for. I'm not sure what god has in store for me but I know he has a plan. It's all in his hands.

Cheers to the next chapter of my life - whatever that may be....

*until we meet again my love - happy birthday to me*